The latest version of our magazine is LIVE! and, as of 5/29 – we will have copies of magazine available around town.
This will be the first time our magazine will be printed (officially).
If you don’t want to wait until Friday, you can read it, here:
MOBILE USERS:
DESKTOP:
story by: Kris Muñoz
photos courtesy Budge Photography
Hello readers, for this month’s publication I decided to write about our own city of Boise, Idaho. I’m doing this with the intention to inform and spread awareness of our city to new comers and other travelers to the area. I’ve been meeting a lot of people who have also just moved here, like myself, or will be moving here very soon. With that in mind, I figured why not talk up my new city and community!
Now before I actually moved here from Arizona, last year, I had visited my two friends who reside in Boise. They have lived here now for about the past 5 years. I first came to visit them in the fall of 2010 I believe. They lived in a their first house, in a different neighborhood at the time, and were still acclimating to the city. I fell in love with all the fall colors from the changing of the tree leaves. Seeing how animal and bike friendly everyone appeared to be was a bit heartwarming, and weird to see.
I only say weird because in my desert city, you had to take for your animal according to the heat of the day. It wasn’t uncommon to see most animals shaved to nothing to help them keep cool during the intensely hot summers.
Certain breeds can’t handle heat well at all, so regardless of their fur considerations, all owners had to be mindful of their animals paws and how hot the pavement or asphalt was. Depending on the time of day, of course.
But the locals I saw didn’t have those same problems in Boise. I remember remarking to my friends at the time how I can’t recall seeing happier animals anywhere. I’ve never seen other dogs and cats playing and mixing so well with each other. Trust me when I say that coyotes and javelinas are not so great at being friendly to neighborhood animals in Arizona.
I believe it was during this same visit that my friends took me to experience the French cook of Le Croq Rogue. My mouth is already startling to salivate just by typing that name again. Some of you remember why too. I must state this now; it was because of this place that I always remembered Boise with a smile. I have never had such a wonderful dining experience before or since. What I instantly fell in love with about this place was the moment you walked in the door, they requested that you turn your cellphones off before being seated. I was caught off guard by this at first, but quickly became appreciative of it.
I have since always followed this practice while eating out. I was happily overwhelmed by the selected menu of the night and was then greeted by the owner and head chef. We had not only the most amazing meal, but we were then entertained by live music and singing from the piano. The musician’s name I can no longer remember, but he was indeed talented and loved his craft. Between great dining company, laughter, and group singing we had the best night out ever! I delightfully remember all of us, including several other dining groups being brought together for a group sing along of “Beauty School Dropout” of all things. It was a truly unforgettable night!
I have visited them during the winter of 2011 and the spring of 2012. Each time I came to visit the season seem to welcome with it’s own unique seasonal traits. I saw some incredible art at various outdoor events and festivals and got to eat at a few other local businesses. Keep in mind that at the time, I have never really experienced seasons before. Where I lived we have long winter months followed by two weeks of spring, then several long hot summer months and finally two weeks of fall. I didn’t grow up seeing the changes of colors from the various flora around me. In the desert, you have various cacti that are various shades of green year round. Also, for some damn reason, palm trees. I never did understand this one, but yes, in desert cities expect to see a multitude of palms that also never change through out the year.
I can remember being introduced to several people and couples who lived here at the time and being asked tons of questions about Arizona and myself. In turn, I asked about Boise and what it was like for them. I got a lot of matching feedback saying how of their previous living locations they found Boise to be the most perfect when it came to climate and season changes. They also shared how some liked or disliked how Boise had a small town feel to it. Each time I came to visit I always discovered something new and interesting about this place.
I never knew of, and still don’t know a lot about the Basque Culture here. I’ve seen the mural and read it’s brief historical notations on the writings in front of it. But again, I’ve only heard of this Basque Culture while I would visit Boise. Now that I’m a resident here, I look forward to seeing their Jaialdi festival and learning more about them. It is my understanding that there is a large populace of Mormons in the city as well. I was raised Catholic and happy to see community of them here as well. I’m very glad there is a sense of spiritual support here in the city, though I don’t personally know how welcoming they are to the LGBT community here. I also never knew that the actor Aaron Paul graduated from here.
Speaking as a huge fan of this man, I would feel sense of pride knowing that John Waters filmed his final scene of “Pink Flamingos” here. That would have been cool to help out as a production assistant on the low-budget set. Who knew that Richard Pryor filmed “Moving” here in 1988. I’m sure there is still much to learn about Boise, and I’m looking forward to it.
Once I graduated College last may, I jumped at the opportunity to move out of the desert by accepting a position within my company. That is what brought me to Boise permanently. Thus far, I haven’t regretted that choice. I’m still getting used to the lack of diversity the city has, but overall, I’m enjoying myself. I must say that my introduction into our LGBT community was less than anticipated.
While I can say I had my best dining experience in this city, I can also say that I have now experienced my worst date of my life. I have never in my life been brought to the point of wanting to punch a complete stranger in the face while cursing him out in public in several of my languages, but I took the high road out of that situation.
I’m not sure if I will ever share the full details of that first, and last, date but I can say I did not base that one bad experience as a catalyst of what was to come from my new community. But it would be my luck that now that I’m a resident of Idaho that Le Croq Rogue would be closed.
Since moving here I have met a great number of people from our community. People have been very friendly and welcoming here to me. These new friends were the ones to point out to me that it’s pronounced “BOI-SEE” and never “BOI-zee”. Just so we can clear that up now. Yes, I now know and can hear the difference. I have never lived in a town where there was not a Wingspan Organization of some kind for the LGBT community. But I have seen the location of the downtown spot and I was thankful for that! I’m used to having multiple resources to turn to for my community, since I have only seen a few since moving here to Boise, I hope that being apart of OutBoise will help in some way to be foundation to bigger and better things for our community. I hope to branch out into other programs that could use some volunteers as well. I am optimistic about my new life here in Boise and look forward to what the future holds. With PRIDE just around the corner, I’m sure it will be fun summer for everyone!
My name is Tim Trantham. I am the single parent to DW Trantham, a 13-year-old male to female transgender activist. This is my story of change for the visitors of One Million Kids for Equality.
First off, I will tell you that DW was born a girl. She did not at any time like boy toys or clothes. I assumed, early on, that her female tendencies meant she was gay. At that time, I was so unaware of even the term “transgender”.
DW’s mother and I had another baby when DW was very young. Our second baby was still-born at full term. DW’s mother could never recover from this. This eventually caused the end of our marriage. It led to her crawling into a brown bottle, which she has still not climbed out of.
DW and I were apart from Easter to Fathers’ Day that year. At that point, I moved to Idaho to be with her. Within the next few years, a friend of DW’s showed her a story about “transgender people”. This changed her forever. Now, she knew who she was and that she was not alone. To be honest, I was so mad at that lady for sharing this story with my child without my permission.
The girl clothes and make-up started showing up, as well as several Barbie dolls. I tried to put a stop to all of this! “You are a boy and by God, you will act like it” was my mantra at the time. I would go to DW’s mother’s house and clean it out. I would throw away girly clothes and make-up. I went so far as to gather up all of the Barbies and burn them in the fire pit. All these things kept coming back!
Around the time DW started 5th grade, the relationship between her and her mother fell apart. I moved DW into my home full-time. She was so happy to be with me at first, but when the school I put her in made her cut off her hair and wear boys uniforms, she was devastated. Me, I thought that this may be what she needed to finally stop all of this girly stuff. I did not allow this in my home!
DW soon became very depressed. I started finding things saying, “I want to die” written in notebooks and on little pieces of paper around the house. We were no longer very close.
Counseling, I thought! That will fix everything. It did not “fix” DW. That’s probably because she did not need to be fixed. I did! Her counselor called and told me that DW had gender dysphoria. “You people must be joking,” I told them. The counselor recommended drugs for DW to help with her depression. I kind of thought that I was the one who needed “drugs” at this point.
About the same time, I was injured on my construction job and put on office duty. One day, out of boredom and curiosity, I did the unthinkable. I typed “transgender” into the search box and went surfing. What I found changed my life permanently. Suicide statistics slapped me in the face. Prejudice and discrimination kicked me in the groin. I spent the next few days in recovery from that Google search and a lot of time in self-reflection, as well.
Then, I began my own transformation. I realized it was time for me to change, change and save my child! I made BIG changes. I got a new job and we moved to Boise.
I gave DW the acceptance for which she had been searching. I told her, “You are my daughter and I love you for who you are.” Then, the unthinkable, I went shopping for make-up and girl clothes.
Sixth grade, I asked for a meeting with the principal and counselor. I told them DW would be entering school as a girl. Only they knew our secret. This was DW’s best year in school so far. She was living as she was meant to be, but one day DW decided the secrecy was not for her. She wanted to make a difference for others like herself. Just before the end of her 6th grade year, I got a phone call from a television news reporter, Lauren Johnson.
Lauren works for Today’s 6 and Fox 9 here in Boise. DW took it upon herself to send an email saying she wanted to come clean, to tell her story. This was “news to me” I told Lauren, but after a 30 minute conversation with her, I was reassured that our story would be told with heart and utmost compassion. It was! It took three months before our story aired. Lauren and her news director, Grendel Levy, jumped through hoops to get the story on the air.
The concern was for DW’s safety. Being in a super conservative state, the station was unsure of the sentiment of the viewers and didn’t want to put my daughter in harm’s way. Eventually though, Lauren and Grendel told our transgender story to viewers, but it was shown just two weeks before the start of DW’s first day in junior high. That fact almost caused me to have them pull the story altogether.
DW and I talked about how this might paint her as a target for bullying, but DW was adamant, “I must do this!” So our story was told. It became the 8th most popular story of the year, even in an election year, and the reaction was overwhelmingly positive. Because of the story,many people reached out to us. What we learned from many of them caused yet an other change for Dw. and I.
We found out that the state of Idaho was one of the 19 or so states that have legal protections for religion, but have no protections for the LGBT community. In this state a person can be fired, evicted or refused services for being LGBT. The ADD THE WORDS campaign organized 10 ten years ago in an effort to get these protections.
Trying to get 4 words added to the states human rights act. SEXUAL ORIENTATION and GENDER IDENTITY are the words that need to be added to get protections for my daughter. When we found out that a house bill HB-2 was given an open hearing Dw. and I jumped at the chance to give are testimony, along with many other people both for and against the bill. When Dw testified Tears filled my eyes as well as the eyes of most of the others in the seats at that hearing.
She nailed it. I had to follow her story with my own. I wiped the tears from my eyes, stepped up to the podium and told my story of change to the committee members. I told them that if a man like me can come from burning Barbies to buying bras then certainly a group of highly educated, publicly elected officials should also be able to make a change. I was so wrong, the bill was killed in that committee. I also told them if it did not pas that we would be back and we will.
Shortly after that the bullying for Dw. increased at school. I thought some thing must be done about that problem as well. My pleas to the school brought little if any change to the bullying. When an other house bill called HB 246 came up for a hearing Dw, and I again jumped at the chance to bring about change.
We jumped in to this effort with every thing we had. We rallied, marched and again testified. We stayed on top of it the whole way. I missed many days of work and Dw missed some school as well. I lost my job, her grades suffered. I am proud to say that this bill is on the Governor’s desk. We along with others that fought so hard for it will be in the Governor’s office when he signs it into law some time this week. Change can happen.
One last change I want to tell you about. We fought for the right for my daughter to use the bathroom of her gender identity. I was ready to sue when the school board finally gave in and Dw and I won that fight, but only in one school district. Now is the time when we will fight for that right to be given to all transgender people every where in our nation. Join us, together we can make a change.
By Amanda Goodell
Upon seeing photos of The Crater a few years ago I knew I wanted to go. Call it a bucket list item. I am fond of geology and grew up going to hot springs. So one day I called up a cousin who lives near Salt Lake City and we planned some family time.
On the drive from her house to Midway we stopped to look at Devil’s Slide, was told half a dozen times “We’re eating at Taggart’s Grill on the way back”, and passed several reservoirs that her husband has enjoying fishing. The area is beautiful, with several state parks nearby and only 30 minutes south of Parks City.
We arrived early and took a drive up Memorial Hill were the county pays tribute to everyone from the area who has died while in service. There was also an attempt to go to Heber Valley Milk & Heber Valley Artisan Cheese. Sadly we were there on the only day they are closed, Sunday.
But our destination is open 7 days a week. And when we arrived I was beyond excited to be looking up at the 55 feet of the dome that is The Crater.
I found out Northwestern Wasatch County is actually home to several dozen active hot pots. But this springs is one of the more impressive visually. In the mid 1990s a 110 foot tunnel was blasted into the side to allow better access. Before this the only option in was to repeal down from the opening in the dome’s ceiling.
The Crater is 65 feet deep with 8-14 feet of silt at the bottom. And, while they do archaeological digs to retrieve things people have thrown into the opening over the 120 years that it’s been popular (thousands of coins and other interesting items have been found), Homestead will charge you a $5 fee to retrieve items if you drop something. Wearing a life jacket is also a must and are provided. In addition to soaking or swimming, they also offer snorkeling gear, scuba diving lessons, scuba diving certification, and a paddle board yoga class.
I found the 94 degree water relaxing and got over the fact I had wear a life jacket. It was peaceful just floating around. The only real downside is soak time is limited to around 40 minutes. Monday-Thursday the price for soaking is $11. Friday-Sunday $16.
The staff didn’t seem overly happy, but no one was rude to us. My cousin did express it seemed like she had to draw out information when making reservations. She only got a “Yes” response at first when asking if a person with knee replacements could access the springs. My aunt was able to get up ramp walkway in the tunnel, which is somewhat steep, with just going slowly. The are also ladders to get in and out of the water.
The Crater at Homestead, located in Midway, is nestled next to the Wasatch mountain range in the Heber Valley. Midway, Utah is a 5 1/2 hour drive from Boise via I-84 east.
Address:
700 North Homestead Drive
Midway, Utah 84049
Call the activity center at 1-435-657-3840 to make reservations.
Reservation are required, as the space inside the hot springs is limited. Arrive before your reservation time to fill out the required paperwork to swim.
I also recommend changing into your bathing suit beforehand to avoid waiting in line for a changing rooms provide inside The Crater.
I plan on making a return trip for 4 reasons. I forgot a waterproof camera and would have enjoying floating and snapping photos.
I now know being already suited up would have allowed for a “grab life jacket and get in the water” approach.
I have friends who I think would appreciate The Crater. And lastly Taggart’s Grill.
The food was amazing, the desserts are glutinous, the staff is friendly, and just for fun there are a pair of peacocks that live right outside.
It isn’t in Midway, but makes a nice stop either coming or going down.
by Jerry Nabarrete-Stuart
This year we are pleased to announce Boise’s first AIDS walk sponsored by The Imperial Gem Court of Idaho. The proceeds are going to three important foundations, the Jerry Swett fund, the Jimmy Moore fund and the P & P pantry for those living with HIV/AIDS in the Treasure Valley.
Funds raised will go to the 35 year old HIV/AIDS service organization that works to prevent the spread of HIV and serves persons living with HIV/AIDS and other vulnerable populations here in the Boise Valley. The Imperial Sovereign Gem Court of Idaho Inc. is a registered 501(c) (3) non-profit, tax deductible, social/charitable organization incorporated in the State of Idaho.
The goal of the walk is to inspire, rally, and galvanize the community of Boise and surrounding areas to continue to curb the spread of HIV/AIDS and aid those in need. The theme for the walk this year is keeping hope alive, we hope that you can help make the difference. Space is limited to 500 participants and if this year proves a big success then next year we may be open for more. The cost is $25 per participant and $20 for groups of 4 or more, all children 6 and under are free. This is a family friendly event with no alcohol allowed on the course, and remember to be courteous and respect traffic laws, as we will be on the sidewalks.
Check out the Facebook page for more updates, Boise AIDS Walk. There will be a raffle at the end of the walk as well, with tickets going $1/ea and 6 for $5. Many special thanks for the Imperial Gem Court of Idaho for being the event sponsor, ALPHA and Centro de Comunidad y Justicia for providing HIV testing at the event, and many more providing gifts for the raffle, Tims chips, Red Eye Saloon, Shu’s running company, and Premier Hair Studio for being early sponsors.
by Javier Smith
Spring is here and things are warming up! While you are out and about at the Saturday Boise Farmer’s Market, stop by The Center between 10am and Noon to check out our new location. Check out the free LGBT lending library. Bring your laptop and access our intranet to view our movie and TV show media server and e-book server.
Thanks to a grant from the Pride Foundation the foyer has the first rendition of the history archive project: a photo tribute to the Add The Words efforts. You can also see the phone booth from Stuckey’s (the first gay bar in Boise) as well as other iconic mementos. Thanks also to Rick Ramos, Judy Cross and Alan Virta for their efforts to make this possible.
There are no special events schedule this month but there are the current monthly meetings of various local organizations:
Need a supportive place to worship? Come meet the friendly crowd of Liberating Spirit every Sunday from 11am to 1pm.
Into Steampunk? Check out the monthly Steampunk Shindig on May 9th from 7pm to 9pm.
Looking for an LGBT youth group (20 and under)? Youth Alliance for Diversity meets every Sunday from 4 to 6pm.
Tri-States Transgender support group meets on the 1st and 3rd Saturdays from 7pm to 9pm.
Allies Linked for the Prevention of HIV and AIDS (a.l.p.h.a.) does free 15 minute HIV tests (no needles or blood!) every Saturday from Noon to 2pm.
Currently The Center is open to the public from 10am to Noon on Saturdays as well. We are looking for reliable, friendly, responsible volunteers to keep office hours throughout the rest of the week. Let us know if you are interested! Call us at 208-336-3870, email rick@tccidaho.org, or just stop by and check us out from 10am to Noon on Saturday!
For a calendar of events go online at http://tccidaho.org/events/
The Center address is 280 N 8th Suite 130. (Southwest corner of 8th and Bannock. Come around to the back of the building at street level in the corner by the alley.)
The Center is a joint project of Liberating Spirit (formerly Metropolitan Community Church) and The Community Center.
introducing Paycen McGahey
I grew up a poor black child in the Brewster projects. Okay, maybe that’s RuPaul but I’m pretty basically the same thing as Ru so we’ll just go with that. In my 23 1/2 years on earth I have fought through all kinds of hardships. No matter if it’s my body image, my last disastrous breakup, or my constant quest to find a decent hairstyle I have been there.
I’ve been close to the Treasure Valley LGBTQ+ community for the last two years. I’ve lusted after Drew’s abs while he shakes my cocktail to perfection at The Balcony. I have witnessed Martini giving a lap dance to an unsuspecting victim from the audience of Lips Inc! I’ve seen and admittedly participated in the shenanigans our local Grindr boys provide. Bottom line is. . . I know you.
My goal in life is to breakdown the barriers people put around themselves. By shrouding ourselves in these barriers we have stopped loving ourselves and stopped loving others. With my rambling words of wisdom and your questions I hope we can make our tight knit community tighter than a straight guy (and not the ones on Grindr who pretend they are straight).
So why do you care about a local obese comedian? Because I care about you. I care about your disastrous breakup. I care about your body image. Yes, I even care about your hair. Sadly, the LGBTQ+ community has a tendency to rip each other a part. I’ll still probably rip you a part but you’ll have a smile while I’m doing it. I can’t promise you I’ll be nice. I can promise you I will be helpful.
by Jerry Nabarrete-Stuart
1 ½ sticks of unsalted butter, softened
1 ½ cups sugar
2 cups of all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
6 large egg whites
¾ cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Small food coloring dye set
In a large mixing bowl, beat butter and sugar for about 5 minutes, until light and fluffy. Stir together flour, baking powder and salt. Combine egg whites, milk and vanilla extract. Add 1/3 of the flour mixture to butter mixture then add half the milk mixture. Continue to alternate beginning and ending with flour mixture. Make sure you scrape the bowl and beater often to make sure you have a uniform mixture. Next take 6 small Ziplock bags and divide the mixture evenly between the bags, I used a ½ cup measure to start off. After doing this add dye drops to make the colors you would like in the layers. When you are done mixing in the bags the colors you like, cut the corners of the bags, in a buttered 13x9x2in pan start striping one section in the pan at a time, once you finish the layer, I alternated color on top of the first layer to give a nice variation.
During this time preheat the oven to 350° and make sure the rack is in the middle of the oven. Bake the cake for about 25 to 30 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Next let it cool down before applying the frosting layer. For this cake I used a simple creamy white frosting and sprinkled some Williams and Sonoma rainbow medley shimmer sugar for a nice touch.
Creamy white frosting recipe:
2 sticks of unsalted softened butter
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
4 ½ cups powdered sugar
3 to 4 tablespoons milk
In a medium mixing bowl beat butter, vanilla with an electric mixer on medium for about 30 sec. slowly add half of the powdered sugar, beating well. Add 2 tablespoons of the milk. Gradually beat in remaining powdered sugar and enough remaining milk to reach a spreading consistency.
I chose this fun recipe to showcase the many colors of spring, a delicious dessert for a party or even a fun project with the kids. Enjoy!!
by Jerry Nabarrete-Stuart
The River Room is located in downtown Boise inside the Whole foods market location, in the upstairs portion. A great location for that after work beer and appetizers before heading home, it has a large selection of ales, stouts and other fun IPA’s.
A great location with a view of Table rock and of Broadway Ave, I recently had the pleasure of dining with a few of my friends there on a nice evening. We ordered from the menu a few variety of appetizers and salads. Starting with the Coconut Chicken Tenders with sweet chili sauce, I found it to be a nice sweet spice flavor that made the chicken pop, great snack size and I paired it with a nice Blue Moon First Peach.
My friends had the Black bean Avocado salad on fries and also the Greek BLT chopped salad; both being very colorful and full of good greens and aromas, one of my friends had the Woodland Empire Empowered IPA which she described as “fresh, citrusy, with a nice balance of hops, not too fruity and not too bitter.”
Important facts to note is the upstairs has a capacity of 80 people and does have sports playing on the screens, I loved the atmosphere of the location and the people. Don’t hesitate to ask the staff about recommendations when it comes to the beer, you might be surprised to see what you might like.
Whole foods River Room hours are:
11am-10pm
With the kitchen closing and last call being at 930pm
Check out the latest menu and specials at:
http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/service/river-room-whole-foods-market-boise
by Carmen Stanger
Suffering the loss of my daughter caused me to be faced with the most perplexing challenge any parent could have never imagined. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the next moment, let alone the rest of my days, living through the black blanket of grief that had inevitably overtaken my existence. It seemed that just as the pain of the initial shock would begin to lessen, there would be another shock wave I had to endure.
My daily mantra became, “OMG, here’s another moment I have to get through. But all I have to do is get through. There will come another moment and this one will be gone!” Sometimes it was that harsh and that simple, all at the same time. The aftershocks came and went in unpredictable intervals, and they still do. Losing a child to suicide seems to be the most difficult, painful and shocking experience in existence and I don’t wish it on anyone. Those adjectives don’t even begin to describe it.
Some of those painful moments have been completely unbearable. There have been times when they were more than I could possibly handle on my own. As I look back on the past year, 2 months and 2 days since Maddie passed away, I can clearly see where I have been blessed with certain friends and loved ones who have appeared before me and who were undoubtedly given to me as blessings to help carry me through those excruciating moments.
In the very beginning, it began with a stranger reaching out to lend his love and support to me through a community based LGBTQ Youth organization. As it turns out, it was Tom Nestor, and he wasn’t that much of a stranger. Many common connections strengthened our bond when I reached out and took a hold of his outreached hand. Since Maddie was openly gay, I needed the comfort as support of an understanding ally. It was provided to me in the right moment, in the right hour of desperation for me and he was undoubtedly guided to find me by my “Angel Warrior”. I call her my Angel Warrior because it was unmistakably pointed out to me that Maddie did not like being identified as an “Angel” that she was no “Angel”.
However, all mothers see their child as an angel, especially one they have lost in the physical world. So I couldn’t let go of that attachment. But, she did have a huge love of super heroes, especially Batman and Superman; therefore this made perfect sense when it was pointed out to me, so from now on I refer to hear as my “Angel Warrior” as she truly is fighting along beside me to bring the heavens and earth closer together. When Tom reached out to me, it enabled me to find the strength and courage to bring that super hero “Angel Warrior” to light and begin my crusade to make a difference in memory of my daughter, Maddie, or “Turbo” as she was often called because of her “all in” and courageous attitude.
The next stranger to reach out to me was another “Angel Mom” who had lost her gay son in very much the same fashion. Her name is Julie Zicha and she lost her son, Ryan, before I lost Maddie. Our lives were so very similar in so many ways and many life experiences she and I have both been through were mirrored back at me.
Our Angel Warriors had no doubt put us together to work together, and the work began immediately. We were immediately traveling in the same destination, our paths parallel, our journey now one in the same. The friendship we have developed is on such a plane that we are often on the same energy wave, and will call or text each other with the same thought, at the same moment, and say the same thing at the same time, or finish each other’s sentences. It’s an amazing spiritual connection introduced and orchestrated my two very amazing souls. Once again, this happened at a moment where I was feeling the darkest recesses of my soul trying to overtake the small amount of love and light I had left. The timing is something I cannot explain, but the timing was perfect, nonetheless.
This was a turning point for me. This is when I decided I was going to “spite” my grief. I made a clear and conscious decision that I was not going to allow that darkness to overtake me. No matter how much pain I endure, no matter how frustrated and hurt I am because I have lost my daughter in the physical realm, no matter how much guilt tries to betray grace in my heart, I will not allow those dark shadows to steal my light. There is only one way it can happen, and that is if I allow it. I decided I could not allow it. I would not allow it. The reasoning is even more than what I have previously shared with you. I’m about to tell you why….
The why is this: Almost immediately upon losing Maddie, I had child after child, student after student, parents and relatives of kids in crisis, reach out to me with their words of support and encouragement, but even with their own pleas and cries for help. Especially LGBTQ youth who have suffered constantly from bullying, discrimination, family and peer, as well as teacher rejection, teenage homelessness, mental health care issues and an overall attitude of hate and intolerance in their communities throughout the state of Idaho.
LGBTQ youth have an increased risk of victimization within the community in general and by their own family and need to be shown love, support, acceptance and tolerance. The number of those reaching out was into the dozens, and quickly went from the dozens into the hundreds.
It seemed that Maddie’s loss had caused other youth to realize how desperate they had become in their own situation, and to call out for help. What a tremendous miracle was presented to me in all of that! It became a wonderful and insightful purpose for me to positively direct my attention in the hopes of making a difference in Maddie’s memory. In response to this crisis, I founded and created an organization which is committed to offering resources to youth, especially LGBTQ, throughout the State of Idaho who are faced with these travesties. Hence, Maddie’s Difference was born.
I also attended the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk for the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) that was held in Seattle in June of 2014. This new major life’s change I was forced to confront was now just beginning for me. I had to begin to learn how to live life without the prospect of my daughter being beside me every day, so this was one of the first steps to help me begin that journey.
You are welcome to read about that journey here: http://www.maddiesdifference.com/out-of-the-darkness.html. It was truly that transformational experience I was seeking. I walked 18 hours all night long, in the dark and ultimately walked out of the darkness into the light. I realized my goal and purpose was to offer strength and hope to anyone, anywhere who needed it. At that moment I became committed to helping other survivors in the state complete their goal in establishing an Idaho Chapter for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Idaho is currently #6 in the nation for suicide. This is a race we don’t want to win, so those working with the AFSP are committed to reducing suicide nationwide 20% by the year 2025. (http://www.afsp.org/understanding-suicide/facts-and-figures). The Idaho Chapter in Formation has been involved with the International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day by promoting documentaries that promote love, healing and hope for survivors. (http://www.survivorday.org/survivor-day-documentaries/) and has also traveled to communities throughout the state increasing awareness of teen suicide with their More Than Sad educational program.
There are many people committed to suicide prevention who want to make a difference in our state and want to see to it that Idaho has its charter with the AFSP by December of 2015. This includes establishing its Executive Committee Members and developing community and statewide partnerships to ensure its success.
Many people have worked diligently toward achieving that goal, and are continuing to work hard to make it come to fruition. The Idaho AFSP Chapter in Formation is also sponsoring two major events throughout the state: A Campus Walk and a Community Walk. The Campus walk takes place on May 23 and the Community Walk on October 17. Volunteers are always needed and welcomed, and of course participants and donors. If you are interested, visit the AFSP FaceBook page at https://www.facebook.com/AFSPIdaho?fref=ts and click on the events tab for additional information.
The payoff for establishing Maddie’s Difference and for becoming involved with the AFSP Idaho Chapter in Formation has already been so much more than gratifying! Last weekend I attended an event in Pocatello representing both organizations. There was a young lady who reached out for help. A tremendous physical, spiritual and emotional change began to take place when she received that help through both Maddie’s Difference and the AFSP Idaho Chapter in Formation when she began to believe in herself and recognize that she had value and worth in her community.
It’s those moments that help carry me through the grieving process. It’s those moments that make it so moving forward is always better than dwelling on the past and those missed moments that I will never have the opportunity to cherish with my daughter. It’s in those moments I can find joy and grace and empowerment to move forward and continue on with this journey. It’s those moments that give me the strength, the will, the persistence and the drive to stay motivated.
Nothing and no one can replace the child I will miss for the rest of my days. But something as wonderful as helping other children in such a manner definitely helps take the sting out of the bite.
OutBoise News 